From the beginning.....

My life as a military spouse began in 2006. To be quite honest, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. All I knew is that I would be marrying a beautiful young lady whom I first dated when I was 17. I ruined that relationship, somehow managed to stay friends with her for the subsequent 8 years and won her heart a second time!

In her, I saw a strong Soldier and a born leader, with a passion for people. She accepted me and my daughter from a previous marriage with open arms.  I couldn’t have asked for a better wife and I just knew that it would be smooth sailing as we began our life together as a military family. However, I quickly found that even though I had grown up as a military child, it’s a totally different ball game being a military spouse.

Anyone associated with the military can tell you about how high the divorce rate is. And believe me, the reasons are very real. The stress of moving from duty station to duty station is just the tip of the iceberg. Financial issues can arise very quickly when families are dependent on two incomes and the spouse has trouble finding a job. But don’t worry, there are plenty of businesses that will give you a loan with a ridiculously high interest rate as long as you can flash an LES (“Leave and Earnings Statement”, a military pay stub). There are also the various temporary duty assignments, schools, and deployments that can leave you anywhere from miles apart to halfway around the world from each other. Keep in mind, there are plenty of single Soldiers in the military looking to have a good time and just as many who are married and lack respect for their own marriage or anyone else’s.  And since I’ve mentioned the Soldier side of it, it’s only fair to mention that the same can be said for some military spouses as well. So, needless to say, separation is a significant stressor.

So like many new couples, we had our share of ups and downs and at times wondered if we were meant to be. The saving grace for our marriage came from the lessons we learned from other military couples in the church we attended at our second duty station. They taught us to build a foundation in our faith and to not let little problems fester until they became big problems.  For the first time, we were able to see Ministers, Deacons, military Officers and NCOs as normal people who had experienced some of the same trials we had. They offered open dialogue and marriage counseling that brought us closer together than ever before.

Now, at our third duty station together in 6 years of marriage, things couldn’t be better. We have two beautiful girls, my wife loves her new job as a Broadcast Journalist, and I have a stable job on post. I’m used to pretty much being the only male military spouse when we get together with other couples, but for the first time in 6 years, it’s starting to bother me a little. It never fails that when we’re hanging out with friends, something military related will come up, so my wife becomes the spokesperson for our house and I just kick back and piece together as much as I can. At our second duty station, I met one other male spouse and we remain good friends to this day. We never really talked much about the whole military spouse thing, but we did have some fierce UNC Tar Heel/Kansas Jayhawk trash talking sessions!

I’ve become friends with many Soldiers as well, but let’s face it, we live on different sides of the military lifestyle. While they can be empathetic to the struggles of the military spouse, most don’t know what it feels like to worry about your loved ones safety when they’re down range. Most don’t know how hard it is to care for the kids by yourself, manage every aspect of the household, balance your job and still find time to preserve your own sanity. And I will never truly understand what it feels like to go to war. On many topics we can relate to each other through empathy, but sometimes it’s hard to truly understand until you’ve walked in those shoes. And that’s why at times I can relate more to the military wife and my wife can relate more to her fellow (male) Soldier.

I was never really interested in FRG (family readiness group) or other military spouse events because they really seemed catered towards women. But with my wife’s first deployment since we’ve been married coming up, I began to look for men that have dealt with deployments and having the kids by themselves for any tips and experiences they can share. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of guys out there sharing their stories.  I also wonder about what to do during the deployment and what challenges I can expect after the deployment. So for the first time, I will attempt to fully integrate myself by embracing my life as a military spouse and participating in the activities offered on post. Let the journey begin!